i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
