I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
