she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
