smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
