This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
