highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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