he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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