i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
