i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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