WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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