dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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