My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
