other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
