he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
