i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The struggles of a small town man whore
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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