Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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