I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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