i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So squirting runs in the family.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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