Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
