shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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