dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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