So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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