Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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