1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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