Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
