I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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