I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
