i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
