if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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