I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
