I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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