i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He better not be in your backpack
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
