Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
