Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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