Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
