I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
soo... how was my night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
