K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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