In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
