I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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