Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
