is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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