She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
