Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
