he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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