Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
