I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
