I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
