just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
