Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
