And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
