All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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