Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
