She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
