i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
