I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
