I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize