just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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