its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
