Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
