She announced her abortion via fbk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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