I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
