U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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