How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
